crumbling home w/ hidden lofts/kitchens   i had a bizarre dream that my apartment had all sorts of hidden holes, and areas that needed repair, and that behind the walls, were whole other hidden rooms with MOUNDS of stuff from the many tennants who used to rent this place for the past 64 years before I bought it - and... that I would have to fix up all these hidden rooms and lofts, and make them liveable space (which excited me), but it was going to cost me a fortuneto fix it up as liveable space.

Before I would be able to start the process of converting the hidden lofts, windows and kitchens into liveable space, I would need to go through untold PILES and PILES of stuff from former tennants, understand their 'stuff', and thus somehow 'keep' them mentally and intellectually.

While it's not possible for me to have hidden windows, lofts and kitchens in real life, I've always envied the Loft Space that my upstairs neighbor has. After I moved in, he turned out to be quite a fine specimen... making me want my OWN loft (or, perhaps HIS?) allthemore.

The predominant emotions here were of fear (that I wouldn't be able to clean up the hidden lofts, windows, and kitchens, or, perhaps that I have since lost [or never had] the capacity to 'understand' and 'keep' other people). Also, the financial burden these endeavors would take scared the fuck out of me.

At one point in the dream, an individual (a highly unlikely individual) from my post emerged. A hot, muscular 'bi' guy that I always wanted). In the dream, he went out of his way to find me, and express a vague sort of interest in me, but when I pursued him his interest in me dwindled rather quickly, and he elusively disappeared into a world I don't quite understand. It may have been this event that prompted me to search for all this hidden 'space' in my apartment, or my 'life' (2005-03-16)
posted by kuntface on 2005-03-16
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