Alessia   8:12pm - Last night I woke from a dream.

I was here at the program in Montpellier, France. There was a skinny man, with sunken eyes and cheeks, abnormally protruding brow, a limp, and black hair. He was deaf and spoke in a retarded voice and kept telling me that I had to speak against his hand so he could hear me by the vibration and breath. He moved like he was retarded or had cerebral palsy and we couldn't communicate. Either I was Alessia and he was me, or it was both me. I suppose it's possible he was Alessia.

Then the teachers in the program asked me to teach English on the last day of classes. I sat there waiting, instead of talking to Alessia and telling her what I thought before we left the program. I was never called to start teaching and after class, she started leaving. I yelled, "Fuck!" I don't know how many times. I started following after her, telling her all the things I've been rehearsing at night in my head, in French (all this was in French) -- that I loved her, would always love her, would give or do anything, etc... But she never slowed and never turned and I woke screaming through tears in my dream, "Noooo!! Alessia!!"

And then I lay there for about two hours staring at the wall. (2005-03-13)
posted by batman on 2008-03-26
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