Wednesday, May 23rd, 2001   i was in a car, driving with dani. we were headed
toward a meeting of some sort. she was driving.
we reached a split on the highway. we started to
go right but realized that that was the wrong
exit, and hopped a small island to go left. as we
started down the gradual slope of what seemed to
be a span over the bay, similar to the
richmond/san rafeal bridge, we noticed that at
the bottom of the incline the bridge stopped, and
was flooded with raging water. cars were plunging
one after another into the bay.
i took a deep breath. we went over. we were out
of the car, in the water. i started swimming. i
opened my eyes as best i could. the water was
clear. a handful people, mostly small children,
were floating about a foot below the surface,
face down, eyes open, unmoving. i started
wrapping my arms around some, pulling them with
me, towing them, linking their hands together and
grabbing them. i never surfaced for air, but i
was somehow speaking to them, giving orders,
telling them to cling to each other.
as i was trying to tow this huge cargo of little
people, a man, who appeared to be homeless (in
fact i'm almost certain he was the man who shook
us down in front of the gallery last friday
night), approached us. i believe we were still
under water, but he was walking. i asked him to
help me. he asked me for money. i kept going,
yelling back at him over my shoulder.

then i was at the accordion shop, but it didn't
look like the shop.
(now that i'm picturing the dimensions of the
rooms i'm realizing it was the daycare that my
parents sent me to as a child...*the* daycare my
parents kept me at as a child. i just realized
this now...i'd been dismissing the layout of the
shop as unimportant. i'm kind of freaked out now.
that ads something important.)
all the kids were outside, playing. we'd been
trying to locate parents for them.
i was sitting, cold and flushed and tired,
against a wall, at a small table. the homeless
guy was there, he was shaking kimric down for
money. i was angry. i was sitting there, in a
calm tone, just rampaging about how this guy
hadn't helped me, how in a crises he'd just been
trying to get my fucking nickels.

my friend malik was there, and for some reason
we'd found his mother (whom in the dream he
hadn't spoken to in years). none of us knew why
malik hadn't spoken to his mother, and i don't
remember why we found her. malik hadn't been on
the bridge, and is an adult.
she was an old asian woman with no teeth.
we hid her in a room and when malik came in we
talked to him for a minute. i suddenly had this
feeling that we'd done something very wrong.
i walked outside.
there were still kids running around, i leaned
against the wall.
less than a minute later malik came out with
tears on his face and shot me.
he shot me in the stomach. i fell on the ground
with my eyes closed. i thought for certain i was
dying. i felt like i was spinning, 360 degrees in
every direction. i said your name three times.
then i blacked out.
the next thing i felt was two shoes against my
shoulders, and someone falling on top of me. i
said your name again, but was greeted with
kimrics voice.
kimric and i helped each other up. kimric had
been shot 6 times. he'd sent malik into the room,
not telling him what to expect. malik had shot
his mother in the head, come out, shot kim, and
came out and shot me before taking off.
all the kids were gone.
i asked kimric if he'd called anyone, and he said
something about trying but not getting through.
he said he'd called darren and sarah and that
they were on their way down.
i picked up the phone and crawled into a back
i tried calling you several times but couldn't
seem to get the number right.
finally you answered. you sounded sad and half
asleep. we talked casually for a moment before i
told you i'd been shot. you sounded incredulous.
i said it again, i recounted to the best of my
knowledge what had happened, but i couldn't tell
you that it was your name that resounded it my
then darren and sarah were there, we sat at the
table and ate fig newtons and talked about what
had happened. we made wry jokes about it, and
then decided to go to the hospital. sarah hadn't
been there during the shooting, but her shirt was
covered in blood, and her back looked as though
it'd been grazed by several bullets.
we were in a big truck. we were still talking
about what had happened, that sarah and darren
knew that malik had been really drunk. i was
disappointed in him. i kept thinking, you may
never 'kill' again- you go on that kindof rampage
and you want to remember it. i hoped that he
hadn't been. i was worried about calling my
mother to help me because i didn't have medical
insurance and i didn't have any money, and i
always feel guilty asking for her help.
we stopped at a large swimming pool.
there were kids and life guards, hanging out in
the water, not really swimming. the kids were
playing but they looked somewhat bored.
kimric pulled over and got out of the car. he
opened up the back and pulled out tons of bright
colorful rubber balls, plastic diving sticks, a
water polo net, innertubes. he started throwing
them into the pool.
he stripped down to shorts, and looked ready to
get into the water. i stopped him and rather
strongly suggested we might want to go to the
hospital first, that the chemicals and dirt might
not be so great for our wounds. he said it was
fine and i relented. he got in and said it didn't
hurt so i did too. darren got in as well, but
sarah said she was going to go to moe!stiano's
darren and kimric went to play waterpolo with the
kids and the life guards, and i went over to the
lanes to swim a lap. as soon as i crossed under
the rope that separated the first lane from the
rest of the pool the water was very cold, and
the layer of black was only on top, it looked
like spilt oil from a tanker. it rippled and
separated with the water, revealing the clear
pool beneath.
i felt a hand on my shoulder and a life guard
asked to see my id before i could swim in the
lanes. i asked about the black stuff. he said
that in certain countries one never cleaned that
part of the pool. i was confused and disgusted so
i got out.
i went back over toward the car.
there was a very small tv there next to it, a
small table covered in clutter. it was playing
bright pictures and had no sound.
i was standing, still wet, watching the tv, and a
group of people approached. they were young,
fashionable in their alternaway, the kind of
people who'd show up to the gallery on a good
night. i told them about the water, and they
looked a bit disgusted as well. they started
watching the show with me.
they told me that one of the ghosts from an early
nintendo game (i *think* its from the original
mario brothers, but i'm not recalling, though i
can see the ghost clearly enough in my head) had
died that day.
they gave me red licorice and we stood watching
the flashing color on the screen.

i woke up to the phone ringing.

posted by beatrix on 2001-05-22
being shot video games water Recurring place
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